Ahhhh Fall

well its that time of year again! the summer was great but this is definately my favorite season. the leaves start changing and the wind gets crisp. i love the colors smell and atmosphere. i know most people see the spring as renewal but something in the fall just does it for me. so my youngest has joined soccer and is finally finding her niche. they are doing great and improve with every game! my oldest is finding her niche as well. still sad she is not with me everyday but this seems best for her. im still trying to find my own niche but im getting there. im currently looking to go back to school next fall. what i am going to take is still a mystery to me but i definately need something new. there are some issues at work i am trying to get past. we have some new people, one is really great the other is so lazy it drives me nuts. but im learning to just ignore and do my job but it makes for a stressful day. well thats all for today. i hope you all enjoy the season!

im so bad at stuff

so im so bad at keeping up on things. summer is almost over and its been a busy one and i hot one. my parents came up from tennessee finally. didnt realize how much i missed her till they were here. they took Ashlee home with them for 2 weeks. thats been hard for me cuz its the longest she has ever been away from home. but she is having a great time so im glad she got to go. work sucks and i need to actively start looking. i just cant take the bullshit anymore. im trying to take as much drama from my life as i can. im too old to put up with it and i would really just like some peace and quiet in my life now. im looking forward to the fall. it is my favorite season after all. hope everyone is doing well

Life as is

So where to begin. im approaching my 5th year anniversary at work. yay me! lol its a jb. i have some good co workers and some non good. but i just try to make the best of it. things have been crazy and busy lately. Kaitlin is still living with dad but i still see alot of her. Ashlee is having issues due to her dad and we're dealing. it just makes me mad because they say they treat them all the same but they dont and suchis the cause of ashlee's issue. but some how it gets to be my fault. so life is what it is and i try to deal every day the best i can

had a nasty cancer scare last month. but everything came back beign and i got to breath a sigh of relief. my family(the ones i live with) have been supportive loving and fantaastic. i love you both for the things you have done for me. the ones who dont, and need to play the marytir and blame everyone else? you can all go punt. i cant be bothered with silly games anymore. you are older and made your own decisions. so dont blame me for your unhappiness. grow up and move on. i have decided life is too short and the cycle needs to be broken. i lvoe you all but i dont have to like you. so when you're ready to stop placing blame and playing games ill be here. and ill sleep better at night cuz i know the truth. live peacefully.

and again life as is

Spring?

So its March 1st and although we have been stuck in a snow weather apttern the last week, i can feel spring in the air. the wind is not as arctic and there are little buds on the bushes in the front yard. Soon i'll be hearing the new born birds chirping in the morning. Sigh its my favorite time of year. Ok 2nd to fall lol. but i love the season change. People's attitudes change and the world seems brighter. The days get longer and my daughter and i enjoy walks after work thru the neighborhood. The cats drive me nuts. Always trying to sneak out the door lol.

But its not all sweet and pleasant these days either. Im frustrated with work and im stuck. Although there are a few i really enjoy working with(you know who you are :) ). But for the most part its all about the drama and back stabbing and i just cant take it anymore. There are af few of us that looking to get out. Im trying to get back into my writing but being stopped up at work is blocking my creative flow. So its time to buck up and do something about it!

Im not going to let it get me down anymore. and im just going to ignore it. Life at home is leveling out which is good. I think we are all suffering from cabin fever. I hope you all get to ebnjoy the weather and a smile

A piece of my heart gone

The last month of too have been a bit crazy for me. There was the usual holiday bustle which normally i dont mind. But this year my oldest dropped a huge bomb on me. She asked to go live with Dad and her other family. Broke my heart and like any parent i blamed myself for doing something wrong. But she is almosrt a teenager and needed to try something new. So with a very heavy heart i said yes. And with that i died a little inside. But had to keep it together for Ashlee, who already has a difficult time going there. now she feels even more left out. The part of it, is its brought my Colin and i closer together.

so life moves on and Kaitlin is realizing the grass is not always greener on the other side lol. But it makes weekends that much more special.

The other thing is Colin's mom got very ill just before thanksgiving and got progessively worse. it wasnt until january thAt they actually found the cause of her illness. so she went to the hospital for a few weeks and is now in rehab. she is doing much better and is looking forward to hopefully being released in a few weeks. its been tougher on Colin than i think he is willing to admit. its tough to admit that your parents arent getting any younger.