Just when i think life cant get worse it does. the car finally died and what a mess trying to get another. find a new car and things are finally falling into place, and my daughter tells me she wants to move in with dad. no warning nothing out of the ordinary going on just i want to move in with daddy! so torn and heart broken but of course i have to let her go. if i dont then she will just hate me and make us all miserable. then someone else drops a bomb on me about their feelings and now i wonder why he's really there. im done. i give up

October snow!

so i went to bed early last night due to the fact im sick. felt a little like Rip Van winkle when i got up. it was snowing. i thought maybe i had slept a few months and we were in december. as drove to work i was actually happy it was snowing. good lord save me now. but seriously. i love the first few snows. its bright and clean and beautiful. then i get to work and everyone is complaining its snowing in october. people people people, this is New England. the weather changes ina heartbeat. if you dont like it then move! lol........i love the changing seasons and if the weather gets a little funky here and there, oh well. look at as an adventure!

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why is it that when you're in a good mood for no reason people have to try and constantly crap on it? i am a sunny person by nature and that seems to bug some people. would you rather i walked around mopey all day? this is me. like or lump it or leave me the hell alone

lipstick magic

had a feel good moment tonight. thought i would share. someone asked if i wear dark lipstick to cast a spell over people. nope just my sunny disposition but thanks for that.

the smell of fall

fall is my all time favorite season. the days get cooler and the wind gets blustery. the colors make the trees seem on fire! and there is nothing like taking a walk on a sunny sunday afternoon and smelling the woodstoves burning. makes me take a deep breath step back and appreciate the things in life around me. most see fall as the ending of the life and the year and so forth. i look at it as new beginnings. so take a moment or too some day soon and take a deep breatha n dlove the fact that its fall lol

work vent

ok so i try not to use this as a bitching post but im fed up today! i was asked to come in on my day off to cover. why im not sure there are hardly any patients and the phones are pretty quiet. and there are 4 girls who have done nothing but gab since they got here! now if it were one of us doing that they would bitch, but because its them its a different story. then i find out my ex has dicked me over as far as back to school shopping help like he said he would. and im the bad guy! wtf!? why cant people just be the adults that they are suppose to be?

curl up in a ball and sleep

So its the last day of August and you can feel fall in the air. I should be sad because the summer is over but i find it difficult to be. Fall is one of my favorite seasons. i love the balmy breezes and the leaves changing colors. The smell of woodstoves burning and the sounds of kids going back to school. The chilly mornings where you just want to pull the covers tighter around your shoulders, hit the snooze and go back to sleep. Kids start counting down the days till halloween then christmas. The feeling is contagious makes me remember what it used to be like. So i want to remind everyone to take 5 minutes and go outside and smell the season lol

So proud

today is a great day but a sad one as well. my oldest daughter who was very shy and a bit of a bum, ran 6 miles today and made the cross country team! who knew. but im sad because i wasnt there to see it. i miss out on a lot because i have to work all the time. :(

but this is her day and i couldnt be prouder!

random window licking

So i mentioned in a previous post about true friends and only thanked Nay Nay. although there are only a handful of them i didnt want anyone to feel slighted. it made me think of all of you again because im sitting next to a couple of people who claim to be people's friends and yet talk behind their backs just for the sack of having something to talk anout on a slow day. Thank you Rob Jenni and Paul. Along with Nay Nay you guys are my livesavers and i will love you guys till the end. and to Paul, although he thinks i get freaked out by it, he's always in my head way more then i though possible, ok ok so it does freak me out occassionally, its nice to know someone cares enough to break past my very transulcent walls....lol.....and try and help me figure myself out. Rob for always seeing my inner beauty when i was too stressed too. and always understanding where im coming from and still loving me for it lol. Jenni for pulling me back from the edge when life was at its darkest for me. and again to my Nay Nay for being there with a laugh and a hug when the vultures were circling. i feel honored and treasure my fine friends. we cant pick our relatives but we sure can pick our families. thanks guys. oh and jenni? the bus is now a triple decker and it has window lickers as well as head bangers! i want the window seat!

Growing up

So im having some serious issues. I took my oldest daughter to school last night for jjr high orientation. And as she sat whispering about this teacher and that, i teared up thinking about my baby growing up too fast. and she turned and said "Mom, are you crying again?" lol. Im very happy for her. she used to be very shy and had a hard time making friends. And the end of last year it was like watching a flower bloom. Unfortunately im not ready...lol.....although my wise friend carol says i will never be ready. And then to top it all off my youngest turns double digits next month. My baby, turning 10! whats a mom to do? so if the next few months im an emotional rollercoaster thats why lol

Life is pretty good at this point. Spent the last few months lost in my head, not always a good thing but it was definately needed. Im finding my way slowly but surely. And im even writing again. I found out who my true friends are and the ones that are only out for using me. And ive made some news ones that surprised me. Thank you Nay NAy for making me laugh when i thought there was no reason left for it! i love ya girlie! ok ok i suppose i should get back to work.

I have let life get me so bogged down its been a year since my last post. life is so strange and twisted. let's see. my man and i did get back together this past january but due to people who should have minded their own business we have gone our seperate ways yet again. i was completely crushed by this, because even though i had fault in it he did as well. and why should he only listen to them and if he truely loved me he would have tried to work things thru right? but i digress. we've reached the point of friendship for the sake of our santies and for the kids. My friend Seth ahs finally graduate from training! and im excited cuz im finally going to get to see him! so proud of you Seth and i know the kids are too. Work is work. i hate it and lover it all at the same time. but i really need to get my crap together and get on with a better life. i need to improve it for my kids and myself. although i am learning to love my self better( oh my Seth will probably take that the wrong way). cuz if i dont love myself what right do i have to ask others to love me? i have had a lot of time to look inward and dig myself back up from the basement...lol....i slay me. not happy with the person i had become so its a daily struggle. im learning that im ok on my own and although i still have terribly lonely nights its getting easier. dammit work is calling.